confessions on the journey
10.21.2010
depravity and Divinity
4.28.2010
monumental
about a week ago, while i was driving her to school, she made unarguably the most important decision of her life...she asked Jesus into her heart...she became a Christian...and in the short time that has followed she has all but stopped talking about it...
following that morning, she finished her testing for the gifted program at ironwood elementary (i didn't even know they tested kids in kindergarten to see if they were gifted)...according to the tests, she is...and janice and i are crazy proud of her...
then, thursday, she had a line in her first play - it was the kindergarten play at school...she almost didn't make it, but in the end, she said her line and did it so well...
and yesterday...she lost her first tooth...the last seven days have been crazy for her - and she's taking them in stride. going around like it's business as usual...because it is. it's life...and she doesn't know any better except to keep going...
in this life i hope to teach my kids about what it means to live - but, every now and then, they teach me...thanks anika.
3.16.2010
Calling
so far, this spring has been tumultuous at worst, and just plain out of control on the good days. i don't want to make it sound like things have gone horrible, but it has been way past my comfort zone on many days...
so much so, i have had frequent thoughts of abandoning this...i've wondered what it would be like to completely abandon my "calling"...to completely leave it behind and do something else...something easier...something less taxing on my heart and my mind...
two weeks ago, i think i was pretty much ready to throw in the towel...so, i was asking God what else i could do...what other job would fit me well? i told this to a friend and got laughed at, but i did a career assessment - you know, one of those career helper/planner/guide tests...i was kind of at a loss on what to do...
the results of the inventory were that i should stay in ministry....that best suited me...i couldn't help but laugh out loud...assured now that God definitely had a sense of humor...
right before i took the test i came across this quote:
-Martin Luther
so i've been thinking about this...about being content in the calling that God has given me...even when it's frustrating or difficult or unrewarding...which are trademarks of ministry...
thinking about this has lit a fire under me to continue in ministry, and to strive to do it as best i can...i still have such a long way to go...
1.12.2010
An exhausting evening
well, whatever - some thoughts about the day...
the meeting in phoenix went pretty well. it's always good to hang out with dusty, danny, and lucas...the content of the meeting was so-so. although dr. lyon did a good job, the input seemed more like complaining that looking for any kind of solution. definitely complaining...and it was complaining done about things that really have no hope of changing, because those things are so deeply woven into the fabric of our denomination...if these guys are so upset about what they don't like, maybe it's time to leave.
fun dinner tonight with some great friends - luke and stacy. luke, it has been a lot of fun working with you, and getting to know you and your family...we got into trouble more times than i can count...each time was worth it. and mother earth (aka, stacy), it has also been great simply getting to know you....
pitched a new website design to the board tonight...for the most part it went really well. approval is good...and now i can make changes to the website and update it a little easier - still working on some logistical things, but those will iron themselves out in time..
tonight, however, i just feel emotionally drained. in ministry i know that these days will come...and it comes from all different directions...
and there are big changes happening within the next week...here we go
12.15.2009
the future...
i'm thinking about the future...the future of my marriage with janice (we'll be married for 7 years in January)...the future of my children...Anika turns 6 on saturday and is almost half way through kindergarten...Gilly will be 5 in March, and we just turned in her registration forms for kindergarten - her and Anika will be going to the same school next year, and Anika will be one of the "bigs"...that is the kids in 1st grade and up (they get to use a bigger, different playground)...and next fall, izzy gets to go to preschool (she'll be 3 in august)...and then there is jaden - the little man turned 1 about a month ago...we'd be content to keep him forever, and let him grow up as one of our own...i think that my grandparents and my cousin (his mother) are making a mistake by taking him back, but all we can do is pray for him and them....these are just a few of the things that i'm thinking about.
i'm thinking about foothills...i'm thankful for them. i really am. i was thinking this evening about the different ministries that i've been involved in...working with the students in ohio, iowa, and indiana...leading worship in those places as well...and now, leading worship at foothills. in each place i've found something not to like...as much as i love my friend tim holman, there were times that i went home and complained to janice about something that tim said or did that i just didn't agree with....the same with iowa and working with steve huecker...indiana was crazy working with jeff - jeff has a way of getting under your skin like no one else i've known in ministry...but his passion for the people that he at times antagonizes makes up for it...i love him like a brother...
and now to foothills...after district conference i resigned...i didn't tell anyone (i'd done it in my mind)...i was ready to move on...things didn't turn our like i'd hoped at conference and pastor jon called me on a few things. how dare he do that?!?!?!? he was upset with me and in turn i was upset with him...before leaving for their motorcycle expedition, he called me into his office....sat me down...and explained to me how i'd done things wrong - i was so upset that i couldn't hold it in....i talked with my wife and another close friend about what had been said...janice didn't say much, but she hurt because i was hurting...my friend took my point of view and so i felt validated...but was i right? i don't see eye to eye with pastor jon on everything...
and then there's luke...he's as stubborn as the day is long. and some days i just want to rip my hair out because of it - there are times when i can't tell if he really cares or not, and it drives me crazy...
tim is creative beyond reason - i think that's why i was frustrated...he was thinking so far outside the box that i just couldn't keep up...that wasn't his fault, it was mine...i want that kind of creativity
steve was very methodical - i wanted to push to move us ahead, and he kept saying that things needed to work slower and in time the change we needed and wanted would come...i want that kind of patience...
jeff was passionate for the lost in a way that i'd never seen...that's what made him hard to deal with some days - he was completely transparent...you knew what he was thinking without question...no pretenses...i want that kind of passion
pastor jon is a shepherd like no other...i think that's why we don't always see eye to eye...he cares for the people of foothills...always looking out for the best and wanting the other leaders to be shepherds too....i want to be that kind of pastor...the kind that not just leads with reckless abandon, but cares enough to shepherd those who need that extra attention...
luke is brutally honest...there are many times that he just doesn't care what you think or how you're going to feel about it later...he just tells you. a pastor needs this trait too....the ability to not sugar-coat things...and just say it like it is, without worrying about offending someone...luke doesn't care about offending you, or about pleasing you...i want that kind of honesty...
as i think about the future and my ministry, i would be wise to take these traits and mold them into who i am...creativity, and patience, and passion, and the heart of a shepherd who carries a big staff without fear of using it...i've complained about all these men, and i hope that in the end, i can learn from them...
12.07.2009
reality of ministry
being involved in pastoral ministry is amazing...and at the same time, it can be a crushing experience. i've been talking with a student that i used to pastor back in indiana...she's going through such a difficult time right now. and, in her pain and suffering, there doesn't seem to be anything that i can say to her...anything that will make her feel better...anything that will help her to connect to The Almighty in her pain...it's crushing to me...
it's one thing to have to talk to someone that i'm pastoring, and another thing completely to have to talk to someone that i'm pastoring next to...and feeling like i don't have the right things to say...i know that my friend needs to hear something, i just don't know what it is...i'm at a loss...
realities of ministry...
9.24.2009
An Amazing Story in My Study on Purity
if you are struggling with an addiction of some sort, and are afraid to face it, please read this...
There was once a great and noble King whose land was terrorized by a crafty dragon. Like a massive bird of prey, the scaly beast delighted in ravaging villages with his fiery breath. Hapless victims ran from their burning homes, only to be snatched into the dragon's jaws or talons. Those devoured instantly were deemed more fortunate than those carried back to the dragon's lair to be devoured at his leisure. The King led his sons and knights in many valiant battles against the dragon.
Riding alone in the forest, one of the King's sons heard his name purred low and soft. In the shadows of the ferns and trees, curled among the boulders, lay the dragon. The creature's heavy-lidded eyes fastened on the prince, and the reptilian mouth stretched into a friendly smile.
"Don't be alarmed," said the dragon, as gray wisps of smoke rose lazily from his nostrils.
"I am not what your father thinks."
"What are you, then?" asked the prince, warily drawing his sword as he pulled in the reins to keep his fearful horse from bolting.
"I am pleasure," said the dragon. "Ride on my back and you will experience more than you ever imagined. Come now. I have no harmful intentions. I seek a friend, someone to share flights with me. Have you never dreamed of flying? Never longed to soar in the clouds?"
Visions of soaring high above the forested hills drew the prince hesitantly from his horse. The dragon unfurled one great webbed wing to serve as a ramp to his ridged back. Between the spiny projections, the prince found a secure seat. Then the creature snapped his powerful wings twice and launched them into the sky. The prince's apprehension melted into awe and exhilaration.
From then on, he met the dragon often, but secretly, for how could he tell his father, brothers or the knights that he had befriended the enemy? The prince felt separate from them all. Their concerns were no longer his concerns. Even when he wasn't with the dragon, he spent less time with those he loved and more time alone.
The skin on the prince's legs became calloused from gripping the ridged back of the dragon, and his hands grew rough and hardened. He began wearing gloves to hide the malady. After many nights of riding, he discovered scales growing on the backs of his hands as well. With dread he realized his fate were he to continue, and so he resolved to return no more to the dragon.
But, after a fortnight, he again sought out the dragon, having been tormented with desire. And so it transpired many times over. No matter what his determination, the prince eventually found himself pulled back, as if by the cords of an invisible web. Silently, patiently, the dragon always waited.
One cold, moonless night their excursion became a foray against a sleeping village. Torching the thatched roofs with fiery blasts from his nostrils, the dragon roared with delight when the terrified victims fled from their burning homes. Swooping in, the serpent belched again and flames engulfed a cluster of screaming villages. The prince closed his eyes tightly in an attempt to shut out the carnage.
In the pre dawn hours, when the prince crept back from his dragon trysts, the road outside his father's castle usually remained empty. But not tonight. Terrified refugees streamed into the protective walls of the castle. The prince attempted to slip through the crowd to close himself in his chambers, but some of the survivors stared and pointed toward him.
"He was there," one woman cried out, "I saw him on the back of the dragon." Others nodded their heads in angry agreement. Horrified, the prince saw that his father, the King, was in the courtyard holding a bleeding child in his arms. The King's face mirrored the agony of his people as his eyes found the prince's. The son fled, hoping to escape into the night, but the guards apprehended him as if he were a common thief. They brought him to the great hall where his father sat solemnly on the throne. The people on every side railed against the prince.
"Banish him!" he heard one of his own brothers angrily cry out.
"Burn him alive!" other voices shouted.
As the king rose from his throne, bloodstains from the wounded shone darkly on his royal robes. The crowd fell silent in expectation of his decree. The prince, who could not bear to look into his father's face, stared at the flagstones of the floor.
"Take off your gloves and your tunic," the King commanded. The prince obeyed slowly, dreading to have his metamorphosis uncovered before the kingdom. Was his shame not already enough? He had hoped for a quick death without further humiliation. Sounds of revulsion rippled through the crowd at the sight of the prince's thick, scaled skin and the ridge growing along his spine.
The king strode toward his son, and the prince steeled himself, fully expecting a back handed blow even though he had never been struck so by his father.
Instead, his father embraced him and wept as he held him tightly. In shocked disbelief, the prince buried his face against his father's shoulder.
"Do you wish to be freed from the dragon, my son?"
The prince answered in despair, "I wished it many times, but there is no hope for me."
"Not alone," said the King. "You cannot win against the dragon alone."
"Father, I am no longer your son. I am half beast," sobbed the prince.
But his father replied, "My blood runs in your veins. My nobility has always been stamped deep within your soul."
With his face still hidden tearfully in his father's embrace, the prince heard the King instruct the crowd, "The dragon is crafty. Some fall victim to his wiles and some to his violence. There will be mercy for all who wish to be freed. Who else among you has ridden the dragon?"
The prince lifted his head to see someone emerge from the crowd. To his amazement, he recognized an older brother, one who had been lauded throughout the kingdom for his onslaughts against the dragon in battle and for his many good deeds. Others came, some weeping, others hanging their heads in shame.
The King embraced them all.
"This is our most powerful weapon against the dragon," he announced. "Truth. No more hidden flights. Alone we cannot resist him."
— Melinda Reinicke, Parables for Personal Growth (San Diego, CA: Recovery Publications, Inc., 1993), pp. 5-9.9.08.2009
COF is getting started...some things to consider.
2. what happens in terms of spiritual formation and evangelism beyond the worship gathering?
3. what is the role of our senior pastor and board in all of this?
4. what will be the specific points of integration between COF and the rest of the church?
5. how will intergenerational relationships be encouraged and developed?
6. how will existing children, youth, college, and singles at foothills be impacted?
7. how will we keep healthy lines of communication between our senior pastor and the rest of church leadership?
8. since this is meant to be "missional", how do we keep it from being something that simply attracts the christians in our area?
9. how will we measure success?
9.04.2009
Handling Criticism
Handling Criticism
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24
I was watching the movie The Incredibles and was amused by a scene where his boss criticized Mr. Incredible. In the scene, he then throws his boss through several walls and, of course, ends up being fired. The scene reminds me that both criticism and our dislike for being criticized are common. In fact, I don’t know anyone who likes being criticized. While it is true that a positive type of criticism exists – one that we refer to as “constructive-criticism” – most of us are much better acquainted with the negative version of criticism. This is the type of criticism that is meant to hurt, damage, belittle or tear down another person. When delivered, it is often accompanied by negative tone and attitude. Perhaps this is the type of criticism with which you are all too familiar. The question I want you to consider today is, how should a Christ-follower handle criticism?
While thinking over this issue, I came across a poem that was reportedly found hanging on the wall in the orphanage founded by Mother Theresa. I think it captures idea of handling criticism with graceful balance.
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;Succeed anyway.
People may cheat you;Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;It is never between you and them anyway.
I love the line in the poem “it’s between you and God” because, in the end, so much of life boils down to that truth. Sure, we can desire to get along with everyone and have everyone like us in return. We know by our own experiences, however, that life just doesn’t work that way. For any number of reasons, people can react to us negatively with criticism. When people are critical of us, we need to remember the truth of the Scripture that we belong to the Lord – and our responses to life’s situations boil down to living life to please the Lord. So, when someone criticizes you, see if there is some nugget of truth in the criticism. If there is, own up to it and address it in your life and with the person who brought it to light. If not, move on, continuing to do the best you can to live your life in a way that honors God. Ultimately, this is the most important measurement of our lives and the means by which we can handle and survive the criticisms that come our way.
GOING DEEPER:
1. How do you normally react to criticism?
2. Recognize that so much of living life boils down to “it is between you and God.” How can that make a difference in how you handle criticism?
FURTHER READING:Romans 14:7-8; 1 Peter 3:13-17
This devotional was written by Jim Liebelt.