these blogs are confessions...i guess. they're things that have been swirling around in my mind sometimes for days, and other times for not nearly as long as they should have before i let them fly into cyberspace for everyone to read...this particular blog is one that i'm debating about writing...
i'm thinking about the future...the future of my marriage with janice (we'll be married for 7 years in January)...the future of my children...Anika turns 6 on saturday and is almost half way through kindergarten...Gilly will be 5 in March, and we just turned in her registration forms for kindergarten - her and Anika will be going to the same school next year, and Anika will be one of the "bigs"...that is the kids in 1st grade and up (they get to use a bigger, different playground)...and next fall, izzy gets to go to preschool (she'll be 3 in august)...and then there is jaden - the little man turned 1 about a month ago...we'd be content to keep him forever, and let him grow up as one of our own...i think that my grandparents and my cousin (his mother) are making a mistake by taking him back, but all we can do is pray for him and them....these are just a few of the things that i'm thinking about.
i'm thinking about foothills...i'm thankful for them. i really am. i was thinking this evening about the different ministries that i've been involved in...working with the students in ohio, iowa, and indiana...leading worship in those places as well...and now, leading worship at foothills. in each place i've found something not to like...as much as i love my friend tim holman, there were times that i went home and complained to janice about something that tim said or did that i just didn't agree with....the same with iowa and working with steve huecker...indiana was crazy working with jeff - jeff has a way of getting under your skin like no one else i've known in ministry...but his passion for the people that he at times antagonizes makes up for it...i love him like a brother...
and now to foothills...after district conference i resigned...i didn't tell anyone (i'd done it in my mind)...i was ready to move on...things didn't turn our like i'd hoped at conference and pastor jon called me on a few things. how dare he do that?!?!?!? he was upset with me and in turn i was upset with him...before leaving for their motorcycle expedition, he called me into his office....sat me down...and explained to me how i'd done things wrong - i was so upset that i couldn't hold it in....i talked with my wife and another close friend about what had been said...janice didn't say much, but she hurt because i was hurting...my friend took my point of view and so i felt validated...but was i right? i don't see eye to eye with pastor jon on everything...
and then there's luke...he's as stubborn as the day is long. and some days i just want to rip my hair out because of it - there are times when i can't tell if he really cares or not, and it drives me crazy...
tim is creative beyond reason - i think that's why i was frustrated...he was thinking so far outside the box that i just couldn't keep up...that wasn't his fault, it was mine...i want that kind of creativity
steve was very methodical - i wanted to push to move us ahead, and he kept saying that things needed to work slower and in time the change we needed and wanted would come...i want that kind of patience...
jeff was passionate for the lost in a way that i'd never seen...that's what made him hard to deal with some days - he was completely transparent...you knew what he was thinking without question...no pretenses...i want that kind of passion
pastor jon is a shepherd like no other...i think that's why we don't always see eye to eye...he cares for the people of foothills...always looking out for the best and wanting the other leaders to be shepherds too....i want to be that kind of pastor...the kind that not just leads with reckless abandon, but cares enough to shepherd those who need that extra attention...
luke is brutally honest...there are many times that he just doesn't care what you think or how you're going to feel about it later...he just tells you. a pastor needs this trait too....the ability to not sugar-coat things...and just say it like it is, without worrying about offending someone...luke doesn't care about offending you, or about pleasing you...i want that kind of honesty...
as i think about the future and my ministry, i would be wise to take these traits and mold them into who i am...creativity, and patience, and passion, and the heart of a shepherd who carries a big staff without fear of using it...i've complained about all these men, and i hope that in the end, i can learn from them...
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