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i'm wondering why i feel like this - i mean, there are days when i feel as if i could conquer the world with God's help, and other days it doesn't feel like He's around...i'm wondering if it has something to do with me...

(more random thoughts...)

i really want to be a great worship leader - and a great pastor - and a great husband - and a great father - and a great friend...is that so much to ask? the thing is, i don't know if i actually know what my standards are for being all of those things...i mean, what am i comparing myself to?

as worship leaders are concerned, i look at the great ones (individuals and bands) that are out their today - tomlin, crowder, hillsong united, redman...is it fair to compare myself to them? in my eyes, they're really gifted, and i'm just - well, average...an average pianist, with an average voice, and average worship leading skills...how do i get past that?? am i really average?? if i think that i'm not average, does that show a lack of humility? i just don't know...

all i know is that i hate the ups and downs of all this...i completely feel called to ministry, but there are days when i just want to quit it and do something normal...i guess that's just a part of ministry...and spiritual warfare i guess...

what i really want is to be encouraged and have it be genuine from someone who isn't biased in their opinion...or, for someone (who knows what their talking about) to completely slam my best efforts and tell me that i shouldn't be leading worship...

none of this is coming out right...